Kiss it Better, BollackHeaded Bugger
by this-recurring-dream
Summary: Lily and James have a Detention together. With Sirius and Remus, what could go wrong? Aside from a few nonlife threatening injuries, of course.


**AN- yet another Lily/James oneshot. but who doesnt like that? not to mention some time with Remus and Sirius. have fun reading!**

**Disclaimer- im not Jo. lay off. just kidding. but really.**

The Marauders and Lily. They had been in many strange situations before, but never one along the lines of this.

A detention. Yes, a detention via Professor Slughorn.

Right now, they were alone in their Potions classroom. Each of them working on some menial task.

Lily was berating herself and trying not to throttle James. After all, she was mature, right? So, she could not entirely lay the blame on the insufferable, despicable, annoying, bratty, condescending, hopeful, puppy dog eyed, infuriating, witty, immature git. Prick. Idiot. Moron. Bollack-headed bugger. Wanker. Enough of this!!!

She really should learn how to control these strange impulses of fury whenever he was around. Mentioned. Breathing.

Moving on, Lily lectured herself internally some more. Honestly, using your words does not mean abusively.

James just always got her so worked up!

Her conscience took the Lily route. _And why is it Potter, especially?_

_I don't know,_ she replied smartly, _because he knows all my buttons?_

_Maybe that's so. So, he knows you inside and out._

_I never said that, _Lily turned cross, _I said he knew how to make me upset._

_Doesn't that entail-_ Sirius giving great shouts of laughter at something broke into her thoughts.

Lily rolled her eyes and returned to her internal monologue. _In any case, whatever it is that he knows, he knows just the right way to set me off._

_Set you off in more ways than one…_

Lily blinked. _Excuse me!? Can we return to the berating, please?_

_As you will._

_Thank you. _

Now, any self-respecting young woman might just roll her eyes and huff a little, then ignore him. But she must have just been internally wired wrong, because all she managed to do was get overly defensive and flustered and furious. Over nothing.

Lily sighed. She hated berating herself.

_You deserve it._

_Huh._

_Well, it was your idea. And you were right. You shouldn't blame him for everything._

"But it's so much easier!" she whined aloud. Her eyes widened as the boys turned to her. James was looking at her with a grin. "No!"

"Talking to yourself, Lily?" Sirius inquired. Remus rolled his eyes and held his forehead. He knew what was about to happen, but there was nothing he could do to save Lily.

"No! I was NOT!"

"It's okay, Lily, I like crazy girls. Especially if they go crazy in the bedroom!" James said, a mere three feet from Lily, which was closer than she remembered.

"That's disgusting!" Lily said. He got closer some more. She poked him in the chest. "Even for you! So can you please go back to doing whatever you were assigned to do?"

"But-"

"NO! Scratch that! Because the powers that be did not assign you to do ME!"

James pouted. "Damn."

Lily looked smug. _This is what we were talking about…_ "So, off to complete your task. And stop moving closer to me!!" Lily said.

"But Lily, I have a fear of abandonment. I have to be close to people!"

"I'm sure." A table was fast approaching. She brushed a hand up to replace a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Very close."

"Potter!" She snapped, her hand falling violently and smacking hard up against the table. "Ow!" She whipped her hand back up again, inspecting the damage.

James quickly brought her hand over to his face. "Let me kiss it!"

"I- WHAT!?" Lily could do nothing as he planted a soft kiss on her aching hand.

"Does it feel better?" James said, looking at her like it was his fault, and he was about to cry.

Remus watched, smiling bewilderedly. Sirius was cackling. Lily, about to turn, began to say something. Unfortunately, a ladle was hanging from a rack on the ceiling. Her previously damaged hand flew to her now hit upper lip.

She turned around, mouth open, delicately fingering her lip with an expression suggesting that the ladle was unjust in its action.

"You okay?" James said.

"Yeah, I just hit my lip on the…" James began to smile. The hand not fingering her lip flew out in front of her, as if to hold James away. "No! I…Potter, its, its fine, I- NO!"

Lily turned and fled as James advanced. The other three boys began to laugh uproariously, and Lily made it back to the starting point, with her on one end of the table and James situated, grinning like a mad fool, on the other.

"Come on, Lily. Let me kiss it better!"

Lily crouched down on her end, not that it would do her any good. James crouched too, still grinning widely. Lily jumped back up, so did he.

"Lily, I've chased after you for years on end. I can definitely do THIS forever. Physically chasing you is almost more fun," Lily lunged to the left, trying to fake him out, but he halted as well. "I don't know why I didn't think of it before…"

Lily whimpered. This time she actually ran to the left, James started to, but stopped. Lily wound up running straight at him. As she realized this, she started to shriek, eyes wide, and her heels dragged against the forces of inertia.

James had his game face on, and he snatched Lily up, arms wrapped around her waist. Lily flopped like a fish, hair flying everywhere, fists beating at his shoulders. James was laughing wildly, and Sirius was holding Remus back gently.

Inside Lily's head, that little voice was frantically coaxing, pleading, arguing with her. _Just relax, oh, not so hard, relax, relax, if he actually kisses you it will be over in a second, over and done with! Just like a- oh, ouch, come on, Lily, just like a shot!_

_BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE KISSED! _Lily's inside voice screeched. _I DON'T WANT TO BE KISSED! AT ALL! ESPECIALLY BY HIM! NO! _

The other voice gave up and began freaking out, too. _OOOOH, NO! NO! NO kissing! This is NOT allowed! You are Lily Evans! You do not get kissed before the first dat-_

_WHAT?! _

Physically, Lily's eyes had opened from their previously squinting state, shocked at her own mind-voice. Her fist landed on his shoulder with a soft _whump_.

James took this time to lower the paralyzed-while-unraveling-a-previously-thought-thought Lily to the floor.

She opened her mouth to protest, again, but he took her chin in his hand. "Just let me kiss it better, Lils."

"I-" she started quietly, before James leant in just a little, catching her lips softly. Any slightly throbbing speck of pain was suddenly softened, being melted away.

Pulling away, James grinned softly. "So, what do you say? Am I a qualified doctor?"

Lily was staring at him, perplexed.

"Ah, James, you've solved one problem but created another, look, she's lost her voice." Sirius said, still with the shoulder of Remus' shirt in his fist. Remus hit his forehead.

"Well," James said in a low voice, "The worse the problem," he got very close to her face, and his voice decreased in volume. "The stronger the medicine."

This time, Lily woke up. And then realized that she was being snogged thoroughly. By James.

Then, her mind voice woke up. _WAIT, WAIT WAIT!_

_What do I do!?_

_Okay, _the mind voice responded, _okay, I see two options, one, pull away. But that's really rude, and come on._

_NEXT!_

_Two- kiss him back._

_I…am…so…_

_OR, OR there's a third! Now, you could make a little effort to pull away kindly, then lay down the law. _

_I like that one. _

_BUT, that could leave us with three possibilities, either he won't leave you alone after this, he'll be crushed, OR you could be scratched off the singles list._

_IM LOSING TIME! So, whatever happens, it had BETTER be for the best!_

Lily gently began to pry her lips away. James looked at her, a certain irresistible sparkle in his eyes.

"Whoa, now, slow down." Sirius ceased his whooping to reign in Remus, who was now beginning to start towards them. Lily continued. "James Potter, I do not accept kisses before the first date! You are now at negative two, just so you know. Now, clear up all this nonsense and get back to work so we can get out of here."

James began to smile again. Not only was this situation fantastic, but she was still yelling at him, and she was absolutely adorable, drawing herself up as tall as possible, eyes glinting and lips pink.

"Yes ma'am." Lily about faced, James turned to his friends, the expression on his face explaining just how he felt- like he was about to pass out. Then he turned back to Lily.

"Wait, Lily."

She didn't turn fully, just her head as she neared the door. James grinned. "Are you saying that I have a chance to make those negative kisses up?"

Lily smiled knowingly, then turned and went out the door.

"Yesss! WAIT! Lily! Lily, come back! I-" the door shut.

James hopped around in a circle for a second, then grinned at his friends. Remus had his arms crossed over his chest, yet he was grinning, and Sirius stood there, grinning like a mad fool.

All of the sudden, Sirius slammed his hand down on the table. Grinning sweetly, he held it out to James. "Kiss it better, Jamesie!"

Remus elegantly stepped out of the way as James launched at Sirius and they fell to the floor.

**AN- yaaay! i hope you liked it, review and tell me! and have a supah day! if you do, review and tell me about the story...and THEN that you had a supah day! AWRIGHT! ...i need more sleep...**


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